Writing Wedding Vows
Writing wedding vows may be the hardest thing you have to do in planning your
wedding, or you may find it comes easily, but almost certainly you will want a
few pointers to be sure that you cover everything. Making your own personal vows
can be a wonderful way to relate your wedding to your own personalities and your
life as a couple. If the two of you are wondering how to write wedding vows of
your own, the first rule it to make sure they are sincere and reflect your
beliefs and your feelings for each other. These tips will help you get started.
1. Individual or joint vows? The question here is whether you both repeat the
same vow, or each have your own. You need to discuss this between you. It is not
just a question of what each of you wants to say, but whether you want to create
one vow out of everything that the two of you hold dear. If you decide on one
joint vow, it is important to be sure it reflects what both of you feel. Often,
one person does most of the writing. If that is you, be sure that your fiancee
contributes at least one sentence. Remember, all the rest of the party is just a
secondary celebration of these vows. You need your partner to be fully involved
in this most important part of your wedding.
2. Research. You can look on the internet, read books, get ideas from other
weddings or even movies. You may also want to look at the traditional wedding
services of your families' faiths, even if you are not planning a religious
wedding. You may be surprised how little of the traditional ceremony is about
religion, and how much of it applies to your hopes and intentions for your life
together.
3. Draft the vows. By now you should have plenty to say, and all you need to do
is put it in order.
- Start with your partner's first name. If you want to use an endearment, use
that as well, but it is important psychologically for both the listener and the
speaker that your names are used. So you could begin "Carol", or "My dearest
Carol", or "Carol, my love". If your fiancee is usually known by a nickname, ask
whether you should use their nickname or their full name. You may have to
rehearse to discover which touches them most deeply.
- Make your vows as precise as possible. Remember that vows are promises to each
other: what you will do for each other and as a couple. Traditionally these
include a promise to stay together for the rest of your lives, to support each
other materially, financially and emotionally, to bring up any children
together, to be faithful, etc. What does marriage mean to you? You can include
references to how you feel about each other of course, but if you want to tell
the story of how you met and fell in love, that is better done in a speech at
the wedding party.
4. Discuss your vows with the officiant. You should have his permission, as he
has responsibility for conducting your marriage. It will also help him
understand you as a couple and how you feel about your wedding.
5. Rehearse. You can do this separately and together. Even if you are not going
to speak the same vows as each other, it is a good idea to compare notes so that
each of you knows what the other will say, and ensure that your vows are
approximately the same length. Practice speaking your vows until you almost have
them memorized but write them on a card to take along to the wedding. Even words
that you know perfectly well can be forgotten or mixed up under the pressure of
a ceremony.
These pointers should make you feel more comfortable and confident about writing
wedding vows.